June 16, 2010 – 10:45 am
If you had to predict what Sony was going to show at E3 2010 3, 6 or even 10 months out - you’d be right. All of their “secrets” got out, all of their products were known before they got there. If you had to predict HOW Sony would present all of their “new” stuff - well… you might be wrong.
It’s as if Sony gave up before they got there. The main ingredient in that diagnosis: They let Jack Tretton run the show and his teleprompter reading skills lack… well everything. And body language? What’s that? Jack more or less kept his hands balled up at chest level awaiting the end of a sentence so that he could open his hands to the audience and look up as if to say “ta-daaaaa!” or “look mommy I read the teleprompter yay!”. Kaz came out briefly and he was at least semi-enthusiastic, but he just rattled off stats and tried to predict that Sony would be remembered as using PS3 to bring 3d to the world. Yeah. According to ANY person who attended Nintendo’s show, Nintendo will be that company.
On to the blow-by-blow (and it DID blow):
1) When Jack came out at the beginning - dead silence from the audience. A few woo’s from the audience, but in the 7 seconds it took for him to walk out… crickets.
2) After Jack tried to be funny - he began the conference with JARGON and STATS. Later in the conference Jack inserted JARGON and STATS. You’d think he was about to go somewhere with what he was saying and he’d rattle off JARGON and STATS.
“Lifecycle” came up a few times
He tried to brag on having Hard Drives “integrated” in every ps3. Woot? That’s a selling point against the competition?
Then he mentioned 10 consecutive MONTHS of year to year growth? WTF is that about?
Next he bragged on “unrivaled gaming experiences” and immediately showed examples of PS3 EXCLUSIVE TITLES. What an ass. It’s tough being the best when your only competition is yourself, right Jack?
“Immersive and realistic gaming experience” was heard several times in reference to the 3d games.
Tremendous Value came up a couple of times. Is this a share holders meeting?
3) Killzone 3 was demoed for 8 minutes… and it looks like everything else. Gears of War, Call of Duty, blah blah blah - except with jet packs! Jet packs whose engines HANG IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE. My first thought upon seeing that was simple: It just wouldn’t LOOK cool enough to have them out to the sides or behind you, so Sony decided to BURN YOUR DAMN FACE OFF in the name of cool-looking-shit. OMG SONY IS SO HARDCORE IT HURTS
4) Kaz predicted that Killzone 3 will do for 3d gaming what Avatar did for 3d movies. Hmm. So it’ll come 2 years too late? Avatar’s 3d wasn’t anything special - it was well done, but it wasn’t remarkable.
5) Watching the replay on gamespot at 17:25, the reaction to the first mention of GT5, and specifically that it will be in 3d, was more “WTF” than happiness and clapping. Listen in - you can hear more “huh?” and “whaaaat?” than glee. And GT5 is supposed to instantly impress right? RIGHT? Oh wait - that was 4 years ago when it was supposed to be a RELEASE TITLE FOR PS3.
6) Peter Dille (pronounced Dilly according to Jack) introduced Playstation “Move” and tried to say that it introduced a new level of precision. “1 to 1 tracking” he said several times. Watch the demos - it’s no better than Wii Motion Plus and in several spots (31:27, 31:55-32:10, 38:27, 39:07, @ gamespot)- much worse! Pay no attention to the FACT that it costs $118 just to start. $49 for the magic wand, $29 for the analog attachment that is required according to Sony, and then $40 for the new EyeToy cam so that the PS3 can see you! Awesome.
7) Is it ironic that the first “Move” demo was “Sorcery”? A game about a kid with a magic wand played by a kid with a magic wand? How about that 1-to-1 movement?
Product placement! Coke starts getting plugs at 44:00 and continues blatently and painfully at 44:59 and 49:57. How much did Coke discount your advertising for that Sony?
9) The good part: at 44:50 the Sony press conference gets good. Kevin Butler steps in for some sarcasm and verbal beating on… whatever. They should have had him host. End of story.
10) The amount of applause when Kevin said that “gaming is having a ridiculously huge TV in a tiny one room apartment” was depressing. Thanks for adjusting priorities Sony.
11) Oh hilarity - watch gamespot at 50:57. It goes like this: “For those of you who already own a Playstation 3 and the Playstation Eye, the Playstation ‘Move’ motion controller will be available for $49.99…” *huge surprised elated cheering* “…and the Playstation ‘Move’ navigation controller will sell for $29.99.” *crickets and surprised WTF groans across the audience as well as some laughs*
12) See gamespot at 51:45 for baseless claims of games! Speaking on the release of “Move”: “…between 15 and 20 [move] titles available on day one with more than 40 titles available during the holiday selling season.” No titles, no solid commitments from devs, no list of devs committed, nothing. I love that the time between this and the video is dead freakin’ silence. He lost them at the bundles and HE KNOWS IT. lol
13) Regardless of the bundle you choose to get yourself into Playstation’s ‘Move’, you still have to buy the analog controller (i.e. the nunchuck). Neither of the bundles mentioned around 51:30 include it. NEITHER ONE.
14) 1:01:13 Tretton lists PSP games coming out this year. Crickets. I liked Tretton’s “And of course, from our Worldwide Studios Group: Ghost of war: ghoss.. gh..gho of Spart… I’m sorry GodOfWarGhostsOfSpartaAndInvisimals”.
15) Tretton came back to the stage after the PSP vid with a look of “oh gawd let’s get this shit over with” . He announced “The Tester” cast and call starting this year (at 1:05:50) and clapping began, but he talked over and through the happy crown who WANTED to cheer and completely quelled what would have been an uproar by saying “details are available at the tester dot com” followed by a change in subject. Well done Jack!
16) LBP2 is introduced out of nowhere (no transition whatsoever) and demoed to little applause. “Make any kind of game with LBP2″ the screen said over and over. It’s advertised it as being “simple” and it was said that it was “simple” and the demo tried to show how it was”simple” but it’s obvious that the audience not only remembered what a BITCH the original LBP was in the game-creation category, but saw how much more complex it is now. Their reaction of dead indifferent silence was priceless.
17) Playstation Plus - “an incredible value offering” according to Jack Tretton. $50/yr. for Qore, early videos, access to betas, early access to demos - or according to Jack “$100’s in value every year”. The ENTIRE time Jack was talking about it there was no sound but the reverb from his voice bouncing off of sleeping audience members. It was the most silent moment thus far.
18) After the Portal2 @1:31:56 Jack gets “DONK”ed by the PS logo while he’s talking. I lol’d. Seriously.
19) at 32:30 the FFXIV vid used Uematsu music from FFIV! What’s up with that?! Uematsu bowed out after FFX?
20) 33:51 Jack mentions “Loads of new mission and hours of new arcade-style gameplay will be available for free to those who purchase the Playstation3 version of Mafia 2.” *AWKWARD pause for applause* and 10 people clap. There were 2 WHOLE SECONDS OF SILENCE. BuAaaAHAHAhahahahaha. I like “loads of new mission”.
21) Jack fails so so so hard at being the lead guy. He ONLY cares about the dollars here and he makes it excessively obvious. When he introduces games that people WOULD be excited about he does so like this:
“Another great example of key publishing partner recognizing the opportunity and capitalizing on the momentum…” (Mafia 2)
“…who have been hard at work on their next chapter of their top franchise and expanding that universe…” (Assassins Creed: Brotherhood)
22) Nov 2 2010: The new GT5 release date. We’ll see!
23) They ended the conference with Twisted Metal? Besides the graphical overhaul it looks like it’s the same ol same ol.
Overall Sony was a superfail this year. I know, I know - you’re reading these words from the mind and fingertips of a person who is OBVIOUSLY biased against Sony. I don’t care WHO or WHERE you are - go back to gamespot or whereever and watch this 2 hour trainwreck. You’ll agree with me.
Once you’re done you can get that terribly awkward and sad feeling out of your gut by watching Nintendo’s keynote. It had some nice awkward moments but they had what could arguably be their best showing ever.
Enjoy! Thanks for reading!
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